Friday The 13th

This uninspiring slasher movie butchers the memory of the Eighties horror classic as brutally as any of its victims.

Teens being slaughtered in increasingly violent ways is usually a winning formula but this lame offering manages to mess it up.

Director Marcus Nispel did a decent job remaking Texas Chainsaw Massacre but there is nothing new here – no tension, no wit, no atmosphere, no scares. They could at least have shelled out for 3D like the remake of My Bloody Valentine.

We kick off with the end of the original movie, when psycho killer Jason Voorhees’ mum has her head lopped off. She has been butchering summer camp counsellors for letting her son Jason drown years before.

Jason witnesses this and decides to seek revenge against all teenagers. Here’s a fatal flaw – the film doesn’t even attempt to explain the logic of why Mrs Voorhees was killing for her son, who clearly isn’t dead. And if he loved mommy so much, why didn’t he go back to her rather than creep round the woods alone for over a decade?

Cut to present day and in just a few scenes, five visiting Camp Crystal Lake are dispatched in bloody fashion. Six weeks later comes more fresh meat, including the brother of one of the original five looking for his missing sister.

The characters are two-dimensional and vacant and you pray for the moment they – and you – are put out of their misery. Only lead boy Clay — Supernatural star Jared Padalecki — puts in a decent performance.

Although newcomers may enjoy it, fans of the Eighties series will be disappointed. You would be better off renting the original.